My fears make me jealous and paranoid.
My insecurities make me hypervigilant and I think I see things that aren't there.
Hell has come into my own head and heart, and I spread my personal hell into my relationships with others.
I blame them for things they didn't do. I falsely accuse them of things which makes them angry and drives them away. I insist that they are doing things to me which they deny and that only makes me more jealous and paranoid and them angry and rejecting.
Where do these fears come from that fuel the jealousy and paranoia?
Yes, I have been hurt in the past. Yes, I have been wounded. Yes, I don't want to be hurt again. Yes, I live my life on high alert, seeing things that aren't there just to protect myself.
I know what is happening to me. I am becoming aware of the patterns. I realize increasingly what that thing is that always happens to me. There was a time when my fears were appropriate. My fears wanted me to be safe and no longer attacked and harmed. My fears back then were a friend trying to help me. Now, fears have taken over my life and instead of helping me and protecting me, they are destroying my relationships and making my life a living hell.
I have come to realize that my fears are no longer my friend. They have done their job and its time for them to move along. I have learned that deep down I am loved by a Divine energy that is beyond any human understanding. It is in this Divine energy that I will put my trust and accept that no matter what happens I am loved and will be okay.
This connection with the Divine energy within protects me and with this new found source of security, I find myself engaging with the world in an open hearted rather then a close hearted way.
I realize that while others have hurt me, God has smiled on me.
Wednesday, April 25, 2018
Tuesday, April 24, 2018
In Alcoholics Anonymous and other Twelve Step Programs they say, "Let go and let God." "You do your best and God will do the rest." At times, these slogans get shortened to simply, "Let Go," and "Turn it over."
Sometimes implementing these slogans is called "Surrender." "Surrender" is not giving up or avoiding responsibility. Implementing these slogans is a way of asking for help recognizing that there are powers far greater than ourselves in the Universe.
As a child I was taught that I, and everyone else, has a guardian angel who is looking out for me. In addition, I was instructed to ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. When I have done so, it has always helped as long as I let go of any expectations of particular outcomes. I simply have learned to "turn it over" by "asking for guidance," doing my best, and then surrendering to whatever happened after that. After all, what more can one do?
This way of living brings one great peace and joy. This way of living provides one with self confidence, self worth, and a realistic self esteem because one comes to understand who one is, a child of the Divine, who deserves to be here and is entitled to Love. It is in this awareness and understanding that worth and dignity arise. This is a matter of faith. It is not belief. Belief is of the head, and faith is of the heart.
Turning things over to the Holy Spirit for guidance while one endeavors to do one's best brings happiness and peace beyond human understanding.
Monday, April 23, 2018
How do you deal with your monkey mind? The monkey mind is all the thoughts that come into and out of your mind all day long.
Some of monkey mind's thoughts are exciting and enjoyable and some are worrisome and distressing. They are all the same, really, and come from the same monkey churning them out like hurdy gurdy man.
Have you noticed that if you indulge monkey mind by dwelling on any particular thought it strengthens? Have you noticed if you just objectively and disinterestedly watch it, it passes by and moves on?
Monkey mind wants to distract you from your inner peace. Monkey mind, liked a spoiled child, or dog, just wants your attention so it can enhance its own ego.
How is your time better spent, attending to monkey mind, are relaxing into inner peace?
It takes some effort to ignore monkey mind and to just move past it on your inward journey.
The best way of dealing with monkey mind is just to watch it but like the sign says at the zoo, "Do not feed the animals."
Sunday, April 22, 2018
We often think we know what things mean don't we? And if we are honest with ourselves, we also have to admit that we often are wrong. When we compare our meanings with the meanings of other people we often are startled and often upset that we don't agree. We attack the other for being wrong and insist that they agree with our version of rightness.
I told her the glass was half full and she told me it was half empty. She got very indignant and called me stupid and I called her a bitch. She said I was not the person she fell in love with and I started to laugh and said, "Who was he?"
This only made her madder and she started to cry. This made me feel bad, but I was still hurt and angry. Then it dawned on me that we don't know what things mean. I thought of the saying from A Course In Miracles which says, "Would you rather be right or be happy?"
I want to be happy, and happiness is achieved by forgiveness for our own and other people's stupidity.
I said to her, "Honey, I'm sorry."
Instead of crying she started whimpering and then stopped.
A peace started to descend between us.
I decided right then and there that I no longer needed to be right. I realized that being right is the path of the ego which takes one to hell. I realized there is a better way and that's the walk with Love on the path of the spirit. I remembered the line from a famous movie several years ago, "Love is never having to say you're sorry." That's because true Love is unconditional. There are no conditions. True Love is freely given. It does not have to be earned, deserved, warranted. Unconditional Love is given just because it wants to be given.
When we live with unconditional Love there is no longer any meaning because being right about meaning is meaningless.
Saturday, April 21, 2018
If you ask people "What makes you tick?" most people cannot answer coherently.
Self knowledge is a rare phenomenon. People are busy taking everybody else's inventory, and spend much less time on their own.
On the spiritual path, though, self knowledge is the key to understanding the universe. Knowing better what makes one tick opens doors which previously had been shut and usually not even noticed.
Without self knowledge we are victimized by emotional and cognitive forces which are confusing, perplexing, frightening, incoherent. These emotional and cognitive forces can create an experience of hell.
A teacher of God may come along and ask ever so gently, "What's happening to you?" This question can trigger anxiety, anger, sadness, and even more confusion because we haven't a clue. Like a loving parent, the teacher of God encourages us to "use our words" and try to articulate as coherently as we are able some explication of what is happening to us.
As the story becomes more coherent over time, we begin to remember who we are and what has happened to distort what is now experienced as a more accurate perception of ourselves and the world.
Jesus told us that the kingdom of God is within us and among us. Most of us have no way of relating to this information because we have never explored that kingdom.
This exploration is more easily facilitated by a guide. The guide's job is merely to suggest the path we can take but the journey must be ours. The journey is one of self exploration which can be terrifying.
Finding the courage to engage in the journey of self exploration is a great day, a significant achievement. The journey of self exploration requires bravery to confront our demons and dissolve them so they no long haunt our lives and block our experience of Divine Love which is our natural inheritance.
As we confront our demons, dissolve them, and clear the way for the experience of Divine Love and peace, we realize that there never was anything real for us to fear. We had imprisoned ourselves in the dungeons of hell of fear's making. We come to realize that once we overcome the fears, there is only Love. Our life changes and we begin to embark on the walk of Love.
Posted by David G. Markham at 11:14 AM
Friday, April 20, 2018
Is the glass half full or half empty? It the lamp high or low? Is $20.00 too much or too little? Is she pretty or ugly, thin or fat, tall or short, nice or mean, helpful or uncooperative?
Will today be a good day or a bad day. Will people like me or not? Will I be kind or dismissive?
Let's face it. We don't know what things mean. It's all relative. It depends on our mood. It depends on what happened previously. It depends on what we have been told and people are saying.
We get in a rut. We experience the same old thing. We don't think that things will ever change.
As my brother used to say, "There is no such thing as gravity. The whole world sucks." And indeed, for him, it did.
And so, we make up our reality. What we see is what we get or better yet, what we think we will see is what we will get.
Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.
Be careful what you fear for fearing something will bring it closer to you.
Don't be afraid but love and let go. Do your best and God, Life, The Universe will do the rest.
It must be admitted, when examined closely, that we don't know shit.
Adopt a position of "not knowing" and live your life with curiosity. Life is a search for the Divine. Greater powers than ours generate the universe of which we know very little if anything. Life is a mystery.