Carolyn Owen-Towle writes in her chapter on the
third principle in the book, With Purpose and Principle:
“The word ‘encourage’ literally means to put
courage or heart into another. All of us need reassuring as we face the
travails of life. Sometimes that lift comes in the form of a hug or supportive
comment. It might be heard in a sermon, a piece of music, or a poem. At other
times it comes as a nudge to get going, to turn around, or to buck up. Whatever
it is, when it comes from someone with whom we share a common quest for
spiritual growth, it helps.” P.50
Owen-Towle writes a bit further:
“How am I to encourage others? What have I got
to share? Think of yourself as a mirror reflecting someone’s image back to
them. What do you see in them that you can affirm? Look again. It may not be
apparent at first. When you notice a strength, an accomplishment, an insight –
tell them, as accurately as you can. That way they will know you are being
authentic, and they can accept what you have given them. We cannot run around
encouraging people all the time. But neither should we miss an opportunity when
we see it.” P.50
When a person reaches the 5th and
certainly the 6th stage of faith development, he or she realizes
that we are all one and that what one does for a brother or a sister one does
for oneself. It is like singing in a chorus or telling a joke, our joy is
magnified when we resonate with another. Scientific studies have shown that
acts as simple as holding a person’s hand on a hospital visit promotes and
enhances healing and recovery. Encouragement can be as simple as listening and
paying attention with undivided focus to another person if they desire that
kind of attention.
One of the definitions of love that I have become
aware of as a psychotherapist, and a human being, is to care as much about
another person’s growth and development as you do your own. This caring
requires that you understand the other person’s hopes, dreams, and aspirations
as well as his or her talents, abilities, and preferences. It also requires an
awareness of the person’s deficits, problems, stressors, and discouragements.
To be a good encourager we need to be a non-anxious
presence in the face of other people’s pain and suffering. This takes a
tremendous amount of courage, discipline, and patience. A willingness to “be
there” for another person especially in times of difficulty and suffering is one of the most important ministries a
member of a congregation can engage in in their church as well as in their
life.
Applying the third principle of acceptance and
encouragement is not Pollyannaish psychobabble, but the guts of Unitarian
Universalist faith and practice as we work towards the At-one-ment when
everybody loves everybody all the time.
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